February 20, 2004
The NRA Won't Take Me.
An Open leter to the NRA.
Dustin Hoffman published a nice one.
I had my own idea of a letter. Read on.
Dear Mr. Robinson,
I recently learned that your organization's website includes a list of "Anti-Gun Individuals & Celebrities" who have spoken out for anti-gun legislation and provided "a voice for anti-gun organizations."
As a supporter of comprehensive gun safety measures, I was deeply disappointed when I discovered that my name was not on this list.
I was particularly surprised by the omission given my opposition to the loophole that makes it legal for 18- to 20-year-olds to buy handguns at gun shows and unlicensed sellers and my firm belief that child safety locks be provided with every handgun sold.
Now as the Federal Assault Weapons Ban nears expiration and a bill granting sweeping immunity to gun manufacturers approaches the Senate floor, I am requesting that you or the appropriate person on your staff add my name to the list as soon as possible.
Thank you in advance for correcting this oversight.
Erik Adds:
While I may not be a celebrity (I truly am a legend in my own mind) and I think you are a war-mongering murderous tangent of a human biological form, I must protest to not being on your list. You should be fucking horribly ashamed.
You Sir, are no Mr. Colt. And I respect neither of you in this new millenium. Actually Mr. Colt in this day and age does not have freaking automatic weapons. Funny that.
But I would really like to test out any spraying weapon you have. I have a female pit-bull (my attack dog) but she wont play how I want. I'd like to use the dog as target practice (or just to get her accustomed to rapid automatic gun fire) when my four-year old is not looking. Do you have a quiet gun?
And speaking of my four year old daughter. She will be starting Kindergarden (kindergarten, however you freaking US white supremacist Nazi fuckers want to spell it nowadays) and I am not sure if I want to send her out in a world where guns are so prevalent without her own weapon. Not some big honking rifle cause it won't fit in her backpack you silly dolt. But come on. I want to see her packing at least a Glock with at least 15 in the clip and one in the chamber. Who knows how finger painting can go.
And about home security, how about a nice grenade launcher. That might satiate my desire to be totally legal. Just spray lead all over whoever walks up to my house or (this is just theoritical) just pump the living shit out of an SUV that is not mine that parks in front or my house. After all, I have freedom of "curb", right?
I'd like a brochure. We love Gun magazines.
Sincerely,
Erik Gilchrist
Husband and Father